One day while we were packing to move.  I found the kids blankets that I had stored away for safe keeping.  One made for Jessica by my mother.  One made for Tristan by mom-in-laws friend, and others that were bought for each of them.  My middle daughter was helping, and asked "Mom, do I have a blanket that was made for me?"  It caught me off guard.  After thinking for a few minutes, I felt horrible.  "No baby, I don't remember anyone making one for you.  You had some bought for you, but not made"  She was the middle child, and as often happens in life, she had fallen prey to the middle child syndrome.  In many ways.  The baby book wasn't really done.  The other things that were way cool with the first one, just weren't done with the second.  Then when her brother came around, he was the first boy, and the first grandchild on his dad's side of the family.  So it was just different.

So then and there I decided, this has to be corrected!  Once we were moved and settled I went to a hobby store to look around, and saw the perfect material for a blanket.  My baby girl is a Saints fan!  She absolutely loves them!  She was so ecstatic when they won the big game!!  And there it was.  The softest warmest material of the Saints I had seen!  So I bought some, and I bought some satin for the underside.  It was going to be my first attempt, but I had to do it for her!  Remember I have no idea what I am doing. And have never considered making something like this before!

This is what I made. I finished it today, Easter Sunday. I would have had it done sooner, but I jammed my sewing machine, so had to get it fixed. I can see the flaws in it, being as this is my first attempt ever to make something like this, but she does not see any flaws. She see's a blanket her mommy made for her out of Love!!

Hubby has had the last several days off from work, a mini vacation you could say. He had a few vacation days left over from last year and had to get them used. Since it has been ages since he had a holiday weekend off, he decided to take them now. It was a nice time for him to take them anyway. The kids were out of school for spring break as of Thursday afternoon. So we have all been able to spend some time together.

Friday, the boys wanted to do some "manly" stuff. You know, we have a garage now, so they wanted to wash and wax the motorcycle, and build something, like manly men do! So the daughter unit and I went to do something just us. Okay, so we didn't exactly go do mani's or pedi's, we went to breakfast and then went to the driving range. That's right! We went and hit golf balls!! It's was fun! She is actually really good. She needs to work on a few pointers, as do I, yet I haven't touched my clubs in a coons age... (that was for you Reid!)

Okay, so back to the boys. Then ended up not really doing anything to the motorcycle until yesterday. Friday they did build something though! See a week or so ago, we went to eat dinner one night. The kids got crayons with their meals, and this particular restaurant had these really cool wood blocks with holes drilled in the top so the crayons would stand up. I have seen them before, but not in a while. Guess most restaurants just got cheap, and either don't give out crayons or put them in a little basket, or just drop a few with the menu's. Hubby thought the wood block was the coolest thing. He looked at the son unit, and said "we could so make one of these" This got my little boy so excited! So Friday, that is what they did, they built a wood crayon holder! Lucky for my son, the Easter Bunny brought him a brand new pack of crayons in his Easter Basket! Here are the pictures of their creation. I think it is absolutely stunning. I just love it so much! They did a really awesome job!





They stained it!
Drilled holes in it!

So I am trying something new.

I quit smoking, well in the process of quitting. I know everyone says not to quit smoking and start something else new at the same time. But I had to. I don't want to sit around and get huge, and that is what is happening. I don't have the energy to do anything during the day, cause I don't HAVE to do anything during the day. I know I always complained about never having time to do things I want to do. Between working and the kids and the hubby and the HAVE to stuff, I couldn't do the WANT to stuff. Now, I am not working, the kids are at school pretty much all day, the hubby is gone at work all day, yet I am not doing the me stuff still. Part of the reason is, without working I don't have the money to do the WANT to stuff. Another part is, I hate doing things alone, ie. going new places, checking out cool stores, restaurants that sort of stuff. So, I sit around all day, depressed, bored, and eating because of both of those parts.

Yes I know, school will help. But I am only doing the school thing 3 days a week. I know the other two days I can study and do homework, and then there is always "home"work, but there is only so much cooking, cleaning and laundry a person wants to do in a day. (I really don't understand how the suicide numbers of housewives wasn't much higher back in the 50's, although I haven't really done any research into the matter, and that is just a personal opinion, simply because I am just not a sit at home kind of person) But it was different back then. Women lived to do housework, they loved it, it gave them so much of a sense of pride and joy, absolutely nothing wrong with that(, just not for me). Taking care of the family, making sure everyone was pressed, proper, fed and happy. Now, well, women grow up differently. Mom's work. Mom's go to school. Mom's have more going on outside the home then women did back then. Personally, I haven't ever been good at the stay home mommy thing. But then I have never been good at the stay anywhere longer than 10 minutes thing, I take after my grandfather! Because I have never been able to sit around leads me back to the original subject at hand. I have gotten lazy I feel. I know that doesn't make much sense, maybe the rest of this blog will help. I don't have the money to do the things I want to do. I don't have the people around me during the day to do things that don't necessarily require money. And I don't have the gumption or will power to clean all day long like Mary Freakin Poppins!! THIS HAS TO CHANGE!

Back to walking. I tried the gym membership back in GA. Alas, that stupid squirmy pest inside of me that makes my life absolutely miserable if I attempt to do things alone made the membership useless! I wanted to go, desperately I did! But I just couldn't bring myself to go alone. The eldest daughter unit went with me a few times, when hubby's schedule allowed. But most of the time, if I wanted to go, she was needed to watch the little two back home, while he was at work. So I just opted to not go, better than going alone, watching all these women talk to friends and enjoy life away from home, and look at me in pity and wonderment of why I don't have any friends... (self-conscious a bit??oh no, not me) My hubby thinks the membership was a complete waste of money. Well honey, you wasted it too. You know, it is so much easier for most, (and I stress most) men to do things like sports and gym's and such. Admit it, they just have it somewhat easier. Especially when little kids are around. Okay, well, my husband does anyway. He has the time to go to the gym, go play golf with buddies, go practice with his band and what-not. He has me. He can stop on his way home from work. He can come home and change his clothes and go again, knowing that the kids are well tended to because mom is with them. They will be fed, they will be bathed and tucked neatly into bed.

Mom's on the other hand, well now they just have it a little bit tougher. They have to plan things while the kids are at school, granted they are school aged. They have to find babysitters if not, (and trust me, living 3000 miles away from family makes that a little difficult when you don't have the money to spend!) They have to make sure to be certain places at certain times. And if a mom works, like the majority of mom's out there do. Well, then lets add time limits and other demands onto her. So to me it just seems that he has it a little better than me. So why didn't he take advantage of it?? I just didn't have the time.. work, pick up kids, make dinner, kids ready for bed, kids in bed. By then it was much to late in the evening, and the place we had the membership too was not a 24 hour place, so usually they were closed or would be by the time I got there. Oh and don't get me started on hobbies... that would have to be another blog entirely. Pretty nice to not have to take kids to band practice or out to the golf course isn't it?? Try dragging them on a photo shoot... yeah, thought so!

Wow, so so sorry, I have completely gotten off subject here. Back to walking! So yesterday I had one of those epiphany's I guess you could say! I was thinking, yes dangerous I know. "Why don't I get my lazy carcass off of the couch and go for a walk in the mornings as soon as the son unit leaves on the bus??? DUHHH Perfect time. I will have to make a few adjustments as soon as I start to school, but it wouldn't be bad. I could walk at least 20 minutes or so a day,at least to start with. That soooo doesn't cost any money!! I already have an iPod, I already have walking shoes, I already have weights, I already have proper clothing"... WHAMMM SMACK TO THE FOREHEAD!!

So the tough part, actually making myself do it! This morning came, I got the daughter unit up, out the door. Son unit up, working on getting him out the door. Still sitting around in my pj's. Check my email. Trying to get motivated. Do I really want to do this today? No-one will know if I just put it off till tomorrow. I haven't told anyone I was going to. I haven't really committed myself to it, not out loud at least. I have only told the kids. They wouldn't know the difference anyway. I could just lie to them if they asked, or, you know what.. I am mom, it doesn't matter, I will just give them some lame excuse like I did when I kept telling them I would quit smoki....... WOW. What a horrible parent I am. My kids begging me to quit smoking, telling me how bad it is, how they don't want to lose their mommy, and me giving them stupid excuses and telling them over and over again tomorrow, tomorrow, next week, when we get through this move, by your birthday I promise... LIAR.
THAT'S IT. NO MORE OF THAT. I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT TO THEM ANYMORE. I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR THEM. FOR ME. I HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN THROUGH 2 DAYS WITH NO CIGARETTES. I WILL GET GOING WITH THIS WALKING AND ATTEMPTING TO WORK OUT IF IT KILLS ME. Hey maybe walking in the mornings will help kick the nicotine craving also!!?? I WILL BE SUPER-MOM. I WILL LIVE UP TO ALL THE EXPECTATIONS. I WILL GET INTO SOME SORT OF SHAPE AND NOT THE BLOB I AM SLOWLY BECOMING!! I WILL BE PROUD WHEN I LOOK IN THE EYES OF MY CHILDREN AND TELL THEM, YES I WALKED TODAY!!!!!!

TODAY IS A NEW DAY!!!!!

Bored right now. Need to get off my butt and go do something. Got to go to the store for Easter stuff, and probably a few other things. Thinking about maybe a new outfit. Why not? Bought the kids and the hubby new clothes over the weekend. Granted I did buy myself a few little things at The Body Shoppe and even bought myself a new chef's knife.. super sweet knife by the way! But I want a new top, or maybe a cute summer dress. I am just being selfish, I shouldn't do it, but then again, Wal-Mart is the poor woman's best friend.. I guess. We shall see.

Anyway, yesterday I did give myself a mini/cheap makeover! Lightened my hair a touch, bought a few new items of make-up, which I did desperately need. Even painted my nails! Blue of course! And believe it or not, last night I tried a really cool new mud mask.. ok, Iknow TMI.. and awefully girly of me, but it was kind of cool. Think the daughter unit and I will do some make-overs on each other this weekend. That will be cool. She did get some new outfits at the mall this past weekend, as I said already. Her and I do need to get our hair trimmed though. And the son unit needs another hair cut also.

Easter weekend.. what to do. The new neighborhood we live in is hosting an Easter Egg hunt and BBQ type of thing on Saturday. Sounds kind of cool. Meet some neighbors, get out of the house. Let the kids do something fun. Hmm...

Sunday, nothing planned at all. Would take the kids to church, Lord knows there are enough Lutheran churches here!! But would never get the hubby to go. I am not good with going to places alone for the first time when I know absolutely NO-ONE!! So maybe I will pass. The kiddos haven't mentioned wanting to go yet anyway. (Cringe, just the thought of walking into a place like church and be completely new...)

I really need to get my sewing machine fixed. Need to get the daughter units blanket fixed. Ok, now I know what I am doing today. First locate a sewing machine repair place.. second, locate a camera store, third... ME TIME!!!

Where the buffalo roam....


"Why hi there, how are ya?" (funnier if imagined with that Minnesota accent I think!!)
In Michigan!!

Very pregnant and hungry!

gathering around a truck!

With big daddy watching over!

Heeellloooo!

Wuzzz upppp!!

Stay away from Mama!

He said so!

Let's run and play!


Hmm.. maybe we can make a break for it while they are looking at everyone else??







What a great day trip! Got to chalk another state off of our map, and got to see some really big buffalo!! Yeah!

(He never smiles, don't even bother saying anything!!)

I had my financial aide appointment and finalization meeting at the college today. Everything is set, my schedule is done, my loans are approved, my plans are in motion. So why am I so scared to death? I think the biggest question is, as would be with any major life changing decision, have I made the right decision? Is this really going to be the right path I should be taking now?

A week ago I was absolutely positive this was where I wanted to be, this is what I want to do. Of course all of the encouraging words from my family and friends have played a major part in it also. I believe what everyone says, or at least I want too. I know I can do this, if I focus. I know the next couple of years are going to be really hard. I can only do a few classes a semester right now, due in part to the kids schedules, and the financial situation. So it will take longer than I had hoped. I truly do think in the long run, that this will be what is best for us. It will help me to obtain a better job, that will help to secure our financial future. Then why am I so scared to death?

I think seeing the money involved has gotten me pretty scared. I am applying for grants and scholarships, and have loans set up to carry me through the first 3 semesters. Then I will have to reapply for more loans, and try for more scholarships and grants. Meaning more money to pay back. I know the payments will be okay, especially since I don't have to start repaying until after I graduate. After graduating I will have a degree and the skills to get a better paying job to help knock those loans out. Then why am I so scared to death?

Will my kids really understand when I can't be here to get them on the bus every single morning? Will my family understand when they have to throw some microwave burritos in for dinner because mom is doing homework? Will my husband really be as supportive as he says he will? Will he really understand when I am too tired to rub his hands or make him a midnight snack, because I have done the household chores, the mommy stuff, my own school stuff, and the kids school stuff as well? Will they understand when the house isn't pristine or the laundry has piled up a little to much? Maybe that is why I am so scared to death.


I am scared of failure. I am scared of losing more than I have. I am scared of being overwhelmed and feeling like I am losing control. I am scared that maybe I am really not as smart as I think I am, and it will all be too much. I am scared to death.

Maybe I have not made a good decision. But it is a decision I will stick with, and stick behind. I will be my biggest supporter. Just as I have supported my husband with all of the decisions that have been made for our family. Even if I don't get the same support back. I will show my children that it is never too late to do something important. I will show them that I can still be Super Mom while getting a college education. I will prove to everyone that thought I would never do anything important and meaningful with my life that they were wrong. Just as I did before, I will again. I will finish this with my head held high, and my best foot forward. I will do everything in my power to make this work and make this a good thing. I will study harder than I ever have before, and focus on everything detail of everything in school and out. I WILL SUCCEED!

Then why am I scared to death?

Attempted a new recipe tonight. Something I found online. Was nervous, first off because, I have never even eaten Quiche before.. now I am going to attempt to make it..what is wrong with me?? Second, I am still getting used to my kitchen, and re-learning to cook with a gas stove and oven.. probably not the best time to try something completely new!!

Anyway.. dinner turned out awesome! Well, anyway I thought it was. I guess hubby thought so too, and the daughter unit said she liked it. The son unit, well okay, he is seven, so he doesn't like anything that is not on a stick, dipped in batter and deep fried, or flat, round and topped with cheese and pepperoni. Not a big deal if he really didn't care for it, but he did seem to like it. At least he ate it. Only took both of them about 45 minutes to choke it all down! The hubby did go back for seconds, I was afraid it was simply cause he wanted me to think he liked it, he did have a few comments about some of the ingredients, thus is the reason I didn't tell him what ALL of the ingredients were!!! Smart huh!

So here are a few pics, yes he told me the same thing. I am completely weird to take pictures of food, but hey, They were great! I am damn proud of myself! And I loved them! So meh!!!

Not too bad looking huh?!?!

Okay, so I had some issues with the edges, the topping kept spilling out when I was trying to pour it on, so I got innovative with the foil!


Doesn't matter. They really were awesome! Looked pretty and tasted great! Got to try more new recipes!!