I was told through a text message. Almost as bad as a "Dear John" letter. At first thought, not again. Then the anger stepped in.

When it was said in person, the pain didn't subside any at all. The reality of it all, came crashing in.

A long week of silence and avoiding the inevitable. Hurting to much to speak or laugh.

Then Friday. Last day together. Facing the fact that the one person I have grown the most with, was about to walk out of my life, for what seems like forever.

I worked only 4 hours that day. Then took the two little ones to a friends to spend the night. She and I had an appointment to go to. All was well, and much needed information was found out, in order to attempt to make the transition as easy as possible. Fearing that no matter what, the effort, time and money we have put in, is about to all be wasted due to stupid selfish reasons. After the appointment, hunger set in. Not saying a word, Taco Bell was the stop. Only one single sentence was spoken.."what do you want?" We sat together at a table. Not looking at each other, not speaking at all. Shoving food into our mouths, in an attempt to not feel the need to break the cold silence between us. Not sure what the other was thinking. Not sure of life anymore.

How could this be happening? Why can't I just slap her and make her see what is going to happen? How can she not understand what she is doing to us? What is the point anymore?

None of it matters.

Later that evening, the blow up. Finally all the pent up anger and emotions come flooding out. Uncontrollably. Praying I don't say anything I will later regret, but to no avail. Apologizing for something I have not done. Not wanting it to end this way.

The disappointments are bound to happen, and she learned that quickly the following morning. I was almost pleased, "good, let her see now what she is asking for"

Carrying her boxes out to the truck, I couldn't look at her, or offer to help. Why should I make this easy?

Finally the time has come. Silence is no longer an option. Goodbye must be faced. What do I say? Good luck.. No, I don't want you to have good luck, I want you to be completely miserable, I want you to hate it more there than you ever thought you did here. I want your life to be as hard, no harder than you even thought possible while living under the roof of those that love you.... STOP. I am her mother, I can't want these things. I want you to be safe. I want you to think really hard before you do things. Don't do anything stupid. Know I will always be here, and know that no matter what, I will always love you unconditionally. Take care, send me your address and phone number when you get there. Make sure you go see all the grandparents. Don't go. Don't break my heart like this. Stay my best friend, my first born child, my joker, my muse. Be safe. I love you my darling daughter. I can't face this anymore. I will see you at Christmas.