I was told through a text message. Almost as bad as a "Dear John" letter. At first thought, not again. Then the anger stepped in.

When it was said in person, the pain didn't subside any at all. The reality of it all, came crashing in.

A long week of silence and avoiding the inevitable. Hurting to much to speak or laugh.

Then Friday. Last day together. Facing the fact that the one person I have grown the most with, was about to walk out of my life, for what seems like forever.

I worked only 4 hours that day. Then took the two little ones to a friends to spend the night. She and I had an appointment to go to. All was well, and much needed information was found out, in order to attempt to make the transition as easy as possible. Fearing that no matter what, the effort, time and money we have put in, is about to all be wasted due to stupid selfish reasons. After the appointment, hunger set in. Not saying a word, Taco Bell was the stop. Only one single sentence was spoken.."what do you want?" We sat together at a table. Not looking at each other, not speaking at all. Shoving food into our mouths, in an attempt to not feel the need to break the cold silence between us. Not sure what the other was thinking. Not sure of life anymore.

How could this be happening? Why can't I just slap her and make her see what is going to happen? How can she not understand what she is doing to us? What is the point anymore?

None of it matters.

Later that evening, the blow up. Finally all the pent up anger and emotions come flooding out. Uncontrollably. Praying I don't say anything I will later regret, but to no avail. Apologizing for something I have not done. Not wanting it to end this way.

The disappointments are bound to happen, and she learned that quickly the following morning. I was almost pleased, "good, let her see now what she is asking for"

Carrying her boxes out to the truck, I couldn't look at her, or offer to help. Why should I make this easy?

Finally the time has come. Silence is no longer an option. Goodbye must be faced. What do I say? Good luck.. No, I don't want you to have good luck, I want you to be completely miserable, I want you to hate it more there than you ever thought you did here. I want your life to be as hard, no harder than you even thought possible while living under the roof of those that love you.... STOP. I am her mother, I can't want these things. I want you to be safe. I want you to think really hard before you do things. Don't do anything stupid. Know I will always be here, and know that no matter what, I will always love you unconditionally. Take care, send me your address and phone number when you get there. Make sure you go see all the grandparents. Don't go. Don't break my heart like this. Stay my best friend, my first born child, my joker, my muse. Be safe. I love you my darling daughter. I can't face this anymore. I will see you at Christmas.

How sad. I have been thinking and thinking for the last month or two, I really need to blog. But I am suffering from a severe case of writers block. Really sucks too, cause my sister just put out a blog that raved about my writing skills.. I cried, yes I did! She is so awesome. And now, I can't write.. ahhh...

I will soon!

Whoa, definitely been a while since my last blog. Not really my fault though. I honestly did try to post a blog from California last week, but my iPod touch messed up and it didn't work. So, I will do it now, that I have a spare minute or two. Although this will probably take longer than that!

So, yeah that's right, my hubby shocked the living crap out of me, and gave me a totally cool Valentines gift, and iPod Touch. It is frickin cool! Had no idea it was coming either, guess that's why they call them surprises huh?! I love it! He said he got it for me to take on the trip to Cali, so that they boy and I could watch movies and whatnot, but it is still cool!!

I have been to Cali and back since the last time I blogged also, (if you couldnt tell already) Went for my sisters wedding. It was beautiful! Had a fabulous time also. Got to see the family again, and took the boy with me, so they all got to see him also. Which has been a while since the last time they all saw him. So it was a good thing.

Brought my mother in law home for a visit, could be good, could be not so good. So far hasnt been bad bad. But not great either. Ok, so that doesnt make any sense.

The band had an awesome show tonight!! Yeah them!! The rock so good! The Backyard had a good crowd too. It is a great place to play! The mother in law enjoyed herself too!

Well, I wanted to make this longer and go into more detail, but blogger is acting stupid and not letting me use the proper punctuation, so now I am just going to go.

Nite all!

Geeze apparently it has been almost a month since my last blog. So I have a lot of catching up to do!

Well, lets see. My oldest baby, had her first formal!! She was drop-dead gorgeous!! As you can see!!

Unfortunately, the loser that invited her, didn't even have the decency to show up. Yep that's right, she got stood up. But I was so proud of her, she stayed and had an absolutely FABULOUS!! time. She proved that you don't have to have a boy around to have fun!! You go girl!

On a side note: She almost got suspended from school the following Monday, for darn near breaking the guys nose!! More points for my not-so-baby-baby girl!!!








Since I am on the subject of my beauty! She also got braces during the past month. They were put on, on Thursday, the 19th of February. She was just as anxious, excited and scared as I was. (And not for all the same reasons!) I don't mind writing large dollar amount checks for bills, house payments, car payments and such, but to have to write a check for that large of an amount for something that is going in someone's mouth, is just down right nerve-wracking!! Fortunately I didn't have to write it, daddy did! Well, the hubby wrote it to be more technically specific. "Daddy" could send a single penny to help with fixing his oldest childs teeth, NO, "daddy" had to get a new tattoo, that he conned some poor mis-guided soul into paying for, then lied to everyone else about how it was paid for. And all only two days after I called him, knowing he wouldn't any way, but did it just to say I did, and asked him if he could send something to help with the down payment for J's braces. The monthly's I can handle, no problemo. But that down payment is the one that nearly gave us hives. Now, dont' get me wrong, by any means, SHE IS TOTALLY WORTH EVERY CENT. And no tattoo is more important then her self-esteem, and dental health and well-being! Unfortunatley the other person in her life doesn't seem to see things that way.


So, T and I leave in only a matter of days, to fly out to The Land Of Fruits and Nuts, as my friends from the South like to call it!! For those of you a little lost, we are flying to California. My baby sister, well only sister for that matter, is getting married! Yeah her!! I have met him, and he is very nice. I believe I have written about him and them before.
The big day is one week from today, I hope she is nervous!! But I am excited and can't wait. Now this is going to sound bad, I am really excited for them, really! Starting a new life together, is a fabulous thing, I remember how I felt when Hubby and I made it all official. It just gives you that little bounce in your step.
But what I am really excited about is seeing my family. I know I just saw them a matter of months ago, but this time I will have my little boy with me. They have not seen him in a few years. I can't wait for Big Pa to see him, and grandma and grandpa. I so still harbour some regrets about moving to Georgia. Mostly they all lie around having taken the grandkids away from those three people I just mentioned. I know my sister and my cousins will eventually have children and there will be other grandkids, but my were first, and so far are the only. And T was just getting to that age where he was getting really cool, not all about food and poo and crying and such, but starting to do things, now he is a terd, but still very cool, and I just up and moved him away from everyone. I feel bad about that mostly. Although they all understand why we did it, and that is has been the best decision Hubby and I have ever made.

So I am totally stoked about that, and my mother in law is coming home with me for a few weeks. Which is not totally bad, not at all. I get along great with her!! I love her to death, and she is really excited about coming out, she hasn't been out here since right after we moved from Cali, and not at all since we moved into the new house. Can't wait!

Well, I guess I should cut this update a little short. It is Saturday morning, I am leaving in 4 days and will be gone for 5, leaving my teenager daughter, my 10 year old drama queen and my husband all alone, with my house, for that time.. Okay now I am scared.. what will I come home to??? Will the house be standing?

Gotta go clean for the next 4 days! Love to all!

P.S. Will have awesome pics of my little man in slacks and a tie!! Soon!

So not working today, dragged my booty out of bed long enough to get the kiddo's ready for school, and waiting for the bus. Now time to go back to LaLa Land, and sing with the purple birds, and pink spiders in my wicked illness dreams.. Ever had those? Where you are so sick, you hallucinate even in your dreams?! I hate those, and then your head and your hands feel like they are the size of the Titanic, pre-iceburg, or maybe even post. Not quite sure about that one. Ok, see, now I know I am sick, rambling even more uncontrollably than normal.

Alrighty then, back to the dungeon with me.

I have leperacy. Is that even a word? Well, ok, so I am not really a leper, but I feel like it. On Thursday at work, I started to break out in this horendous rash, like hives, itching, redness, swelling everywhere, nasty nasty stuff. It was so bad, that I actually left work on payday, before giving out checks to go to the doctor. That is bad.

So I go to the doctor, to naturally not see my real doctor, but another doctor with the same practice, and she tells what I have already realized, that it is an allergic reaction of some sort. By now, it is still pretty bad, but not as bad as it had been. Don't know what caused it, I have thought and thought, and can't recall for the life of me, having done anything differently, eating anything different, changing soaps or anything like that, so I am just a freak of nature I guess. Although other possibilities have been put forth, such as it could be stress related. I am guessing that is probably the closest diagnosis that is true. Since I have recently been under quite a good bit of stress.

Doc gave me a humongonos shot of steroids, (yeah man, lets pump some iron!) and gave me scripts for 20 days of the same thing in pill form, some Zantac, yeah who knew that wasn't just for heartburn, but it also works as and allergy blocker for food allergies, and an inhaler, seeing as I couldn't breath most of the time, thought maybe the swelling was causing the problem. Also told me to take two Benedryls every four to six hours. That was a problem. Anyone who knows me, knows I can not take one Benedryl without being knocked out for a good day. But to take two, well I was really not sure what that would do to me.. I was worried I wouldn't wake up till next week sometime.

But I was desperate, and if it would stop the itching and crap, then I would try it. I got home and took everything I was supposed to, and yeppers, out like a light. Hubby came home a couple of hours later, and could have sworn I was high on some really good drugs, little did he know it was only Benedryl!! He said I looked like I had just shot up some heroin or something, drooling and all.. eeww!

Yesterday, seemed to be better, there was a few minutes in the morning when I started to feel the swelling coming back on my face, so I rushed to the nurse, and got just one Bene.. since I hadn't taken any, worried I wouldn't be able to make it to work, and I was ok. Then late yesterday afternoon, it started again, really bad. And I have had problems ever since, all night, and so far most of the day today. What I have found to help some is a good ol'fashion oatmeal bath. Not exactly miracle cure, but helps a great deal. I look like some sort of freakish monster. I feel even worse. The medication makes me completely loopy, not to mention a horrid witch (replace the w with a b)

I totally treated the hubby like crap last night, and am really truely and honestly surprised he didn't leave. Came real close. It was really really bad. I was so aweful. Of course though he says I wasn't. But things have got to change.

Ok, enough.

Loves!

Wednesday already!.. or should I say finally! So glad tOo. Seems already this year is slipping by faster then the last, but then, I now understand what all of my elders have always told me about getting older, and time moving faster and faster.

Looking forward to a three day weekend coming up! Yeah! The hubby has a three day also. Should have waited till this weekend to go to Helen, oh well. Maybe next time. We are however, planning on spending the day together Friday. Just the two of us, while the kiddies are in school. I am so excited. Got to take the van to the dealership to get the oil changed and such, but we will probably hit a couple of museums and possibly a park or two while that is going on, I know we are just bundles o'fun huh?! I am stoked totally though!! Going to take the camera, maybe get some good practice!


There is a photography class being offered at ASU. It basically just teaches you about your DSLR which I have. I really really want to take this class, but not only is it 130 dollars, which I am sure isn't that bad, but I really don't want to do it alone. Some of you know how I am about stuff like that. I really hope that my buddy can go with me, but with his work schedule, it probably just won't be feasible. Maybe next time!

Ok, guess I should go finish dinner now, the kiddo's are gnawing on their own arms, and laying around crying that they are famished beyond all hope of survival.. Just kidding. Then again, am I?

PEACE!

A few months ago I wrote about my son's first day of school. Well I wrote about all three's first days of school, and that we had two milestones. A freshman in high school and a kindergartner.

Well, for Christmas my big kindergartner got a shaving kit as a gift (wait a minute, before anyone flies off the handle thinking I gave my 6 year old a razor, stop, this has Batman all over it, a plastic mirror, foam soap and a completely fake and completely plastic pretend razor!) Anywho, the other night daddy let T try out his shaving kit! He was so excited and I was right there with the camera.. Yeah I know, my kids are getting very annoyed with mommy and her camera!!

Almost got it!

"Those pesky nose hair's mom!"







Is this right?
















"Yep, got to get the eye lashes too!"












Done! Totally handsome, don't ya think mom?

Ok, prepare yourself. Yep, grab the side of your desk, laptop or whatever your reading this on. Hold on tight. Take a deep breath, and if your not already sitting, then you should sit.. seriously. Also, if you are on a laptop, then make sure it is secure, so as not to fall or be thrown against a wall!

Ready? Ok, here goes. The kids and I .... went to church yesterday. Yep that's right. We really did it. Dragged our sorry butts out of bed at 7 am on a Sunday morning, got dressed, and drove into town to go to church. Can't believe it can you? Me neither!

It was really awesome though. We felt very welcomed, not singled out. Not embarrased, but part of a whole. Like we had always been, not like we just walked in off the street, which basically we did! Well sort of. We did know a few people there, which I think helped greatly. Especially at how I am in new situations and something like this. Jenn and Matt are great people, and I am very thankful to have met them, and to be able to call them friends. I know other people that know Jenn and everyone says that about them, so there must be some kind of truth to it!! :)

So the kids and I went to church with them.. (oh there I said it again!) at Journey Community. It is still a fairly new church as church's go I guess. They are in a brand spankin' new building.. to them anyway! They bought it from another church that moved to a bigger building. But what they have done with this building is just amazing. Jenn and Matt took us on a tour after the main worship service. It really is quite awesome! The kids definitely want to go back, and I don't think it would be to bad either! The girls will probably go Wednesday night, that is when the youth group meets, and T and I will go again on Sunday with the girls.

It really was nice to be able to go to a church and not have to worry about hipocracy and idiocy.

p.s. They didn't sacrifice anything!!! That is a plus!!

Oh and I was going to take a picture of the outside of the church, in fact had every intention of doing it.. just to prove we went. But in my hastiness to get out the door, for fear of being late and not having to courage to walk in after the service started, I forgot my friggin camera!!! AHH. Ok, so next time, hopefully!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH .

Ok I feel a little better now.

Almost forgot someone! Yes, we took her with us, in the car for several hours. Fun.

We took an impromptu road trip this weekend to Alpine, Georgia. It was very nice! The country up there is so beautiful. Next time we want to rent a cabin and stay a bit longer, and take everyone, (whole other story!)

The "Hambugers" must have been great!

The river is beautiful!





This morning we took a hike to Anna Ruby Falls. That was well worth the half mile up hill trek, and absolutely gorgeous. Great time to play with the camera!!

Love the night sky!

We went to our good friend Fred's house for a little get-together last night. A combo New Years Eve / Birthday bonfire you could say! You see, Fred's birthday is on New Years Eve! Fun!

But unfortunately, we didn't get to stay until midnight. Hubby started feeling not well. I took him home early, but wanted the kids to stay and enjoy themselves, roasting marshmallows and playing with the other kiddo's that were there. It was fun and would have been really relaxing, had it not been for hubby's mysterious illness. So we left to go home around 10 or so. Got home and slept in the New Year... again.

But while we were there, I did get a chance to play with my rediculously awesome Christmas present!! I got some really good shots to I think! Such as the one of T and Bindi!! I think it is awesome!
I love pictures of fire. The ones I got last night I think are gorgeous!














And as always, awesome good food!!

Ok, enough for now. I have to run to town. Will post more later!

Happy New Year everyone!