Unfortunately I have spent more than a moment on this. This is the end though. No more time will I waste worrying. Not another minute will I squander with the unanswerable questions. No more tears will I shed with the memories that do not exist, and the feelings that should have been. This is your last ounce of being in my mind. Yes, you will always lurk around in the darkness, but not by my own elective, but merely because without you there would be no me. That is all I am giving you. That is all you deserve.

In your mind, if you were ever to read this, you would think I am being completely irrational and unforgiving. That I am being an insensitive bitch, just like my mother. In your eyes, you will think that all you have ever done for me is good things. That you have bent over backwards and forwards, and given me the world. That you helped my family when we had nothing else, and that you are the most passionate caring person in the world. Guess again.

We did not need a place to live, the one we had was working just fine for us, and we managed quite well. We only took your offer because we thought maybe one day we would be able to purchase the land from you. As I had told you before though, our credit is not the greatest in the world. Especially not right after we moved into the house, yes, we got behind on some things and ran into some trouble. Over the last few years though, we have been recovering, and even started getting a little bit ahead again. For you though, we hurt ourselves. We attempted to gain a mortgage, and get approved for loans we knew we would not be able to get approved for, only hurting our credit that we had been trying so hard to salvage even more. You did not see that though. All you could see was what your wife wanted to tell you. It did not matter to you that we were trying, it did not matter to you that you were the one that approached us about the living arrangement. It did not matter to you that the so called "deal" was all you. We were not the ones that said "Okay, we are going to live here, and this is how much we are going to pay monthly until the time that we can either buy it outright or it is paid off." No you and she were the ones that set all those rules. Yet, three years later, what was it that you said.. "we need to sell it to get out from under it" What, did all the renovations to your new home cost a little more than you bargained for, or did you just go beyond your means? Oh wait, I know what it was, it was the cost of repairing a 4 foot section of floor in the laundry room of the house you were renting to your child and grandchildren due to the faulty heating unit that was already in said rental that leaked. Never mind that your child paid for some of it also, and did some of the work, and was without the means of doing laundry in said house, therefore requiring your child to spend money by going to a laundromat. Yes, yes that must have been it, because surely new granite counters, having your porch painted, having your walls painted, a swimming pool, a deck, a hot tub, new granite tiles, new bathrooms, new furniture, new t.v.'s etc. etc... are so much cheaper than a $300 repair job on a floor in a mobile home.
So thank you. Thank you for letting your wife spend more than you could afford, therefore reneging on a verbal contract between you and your DAUGHTER.

Thank you for showing my children what a grandfather is supposed to be like. I know how hard you tried to be involved in their lives, what with living 8 minutes away and all. With having to drive nearly right passed the house everyday, but without the ability to stop in and say hi. Although, it was pretty simple for you to stop by twice, or was it three times, in the same week when you ex-wife, my mother, was at my house for a visit. Then asking me not to mention it to your new wife, because well, she just wouldn't have understood. Yes, I can see how difficult that was for you. I can see how horrifyingly excruciating it was to know that your grandchildren wanted so much to know their grandfather, but always seeming to have the perfect excuses for not finding the time to say hello. Thank you for the 3 times that you did let the kids come over and stay the night in the five years we lived in the same state. I know that was asking a lot of you, so I must admit, you should have earned the grandparent of the year award there. It was ever so nice of you to allow us to come over for the handful of holidays that we were actually extended an invitation. Because I know what slobs we are, and how useless we are. Unlike your wife's family, you cannot trust us, because we steel and lie. I really am astonished that you let us in your house. I mean, how can we be trusted not to tear everything up in your house, and not to make gawd awful messes then leave without the thought of offering to help clean up. And heaven forbid that we invite ourselves over to your house, along with our inconsiderate friends to leave trash all over your yard and pool, because we have done that so many times.

I understand the relationship you and I had. Not knowing each other while I was growing up. Listening to all the excuses like the distance and my mother keeping us apart. I knew those were excuses my whole life. I always knew that if a father wanted to see his daughter, then nothing should stand in his way. No matter how cowardly he was or how frightening she was. So when those excuses were no longer viable, I was not surprised that nothing changed. Although secretly I had hoped and prayed that you might make more of an effort for your grandchildren. The only grandchildren you have and will ever have. I was not surprised when each time the kids asked to come stay the night, or to see you it was always up to your wife. You had to see if your wife gave you permission to be involved in your grandchildrens lives. Yep, way to go dad. And you wonder why they were hesitant to hug you, umm they didn't know you. They don't know you any more than I do. Due to all of this, when I was given a choice to move again, uproot my family again, and move to another state where I knew no-one, I took it. I had nothing keeping me where I was, no family to speak of, and as I had just found out, was about to lose my home because I couldn't buy it. Why should I have stayed. And I did notice how broke up you were about it. So upset by us moving you couldn't even walk the 10 feet to the car to give your grandchildren a hug good-bye, not knowing when or if you would see them again.

Yes, yes, you protected yourself thoughtfully. You were right to push us out of your life. To not watch your grandchildren grow up. To keep that careful distance away from the ruffian that claims to be your family. I would hate to haven taken full advantage of you, by lying to you about any intentions for coming into your home, or have to misled you to get money. It would have been painful for me to attempt to keep you updated on our lives, and to be so callous to think you might not care about anything we were doing.

How stupid of me to want to try to impress my father. How stupid of me to think that a relationship with you might have been possible after so long without one. How stupid of me to give a damn about you, since you obviously don't give one about me. I have worried about you too long. I have cried to many times in wonderment about what I have done to you to make you dislike me so. I have, for all my life, questioned why I exist, since I apparently wasn't what either of my parents wanted. Now I know. I exist for those that love me and want to know me. I exist for those that want to be a part of my life because I have touched their lives in such a positive way. I feel sorry for you that you never gave that a chance. I feel sorry for you that you never gave me a chance. I am not a bad person. I am quite different than you or her. But you will never know that. You will never know my capabilities, or the potential that I have. You will never know my children. I do not owe you anything. Keep your money, because I know that is what your wife tells you I want, and the only thing I want. Well, I don't need it, never have. I do not owe you an update, or even a phone call. You could just as well call me if you truly cared. But you won't. My children do not owe you anything. You do not owe us anything. From this day on, much like the rest of your family, I will not bend over backwards to contact you. I will not worry about impressing you, and I will not shed a tear for not having you in my life. This is it. Good-bye.